The Place I want to get back to (Mary Oliver)
is where
in the pinewoods
in the moments between
the darkness
and first light
two deer
came walking down the hill
and when they saw me
they said to each other, okay,
this one is okay,
let's see who she is
and why she is sitting
on the ground like that,
so quiet, as if
asleep, or in a dream,
but, anyway, harmless;
and so they came
on their slender legs
and gazed upon me
not unlike the way
I go out to the dunes and look
and look and look
into the faces of the flowers;
and then one of them leaned forward
and nuzzled my hand, and what can my life
bring to me that could exceed
that brief moment?
For twenty years
I have gone every day to the same woods,
not waiting, exactly, just lingering.
Such gifts, bestowed,
can't be repeated.
If you want to talk about this
come to visit. I live in the house
near the corner, which I have named
Gratitude.
Reflection: Gen 1:31 God looked over everything he had made; it was so good, so very good!
May 12, 2014 is a big day because I will be graduating from seminary. Tuition is paid; I received my cap and gown, now all I have to do is complete my final exams. A friend recently inquired if I tried on my cap and gown. With a scowled face I replied, I cannot try on my graduation garments until I pass my final exams. She did not understand; she was confused as to why the excitement of this upcoming moment in my life did not overcome my overwhelming fear of finishing exams. Knowing my work ethic since grade-school, she replied, “You know you’ll get everything done, you always do.” Although I agreed with her in my mind, I retorted- “you do not know that, just hope I complete everything in time.” Why was that my attitude? For the same reasons I do not like people to say “your brother will make a full-recovery” or “you’ll do great” or “you’ll get that opportunity.” There are no guarantees in life! I am more concerned that positive words would jinx my life rather than add value to my life so I aim to stay in a balanced place between slightly negative and slightly positive, which I would describe as being hopeful. Growing up in a household where the worst case scenarios were presented to control one’s behavior, I did not learn an alternative way of thinking; thus instead of living out of a place of hope, I lived out of a place of fear. Therefore, I trained my mind not to become too excited about most things because good things never last too long or progress may never actualize in the way in which you had hoped because at times it feels as if failure and death are more real and more frequent than success and life.
But as I read Mary Oliver’s poem The Place I want to get back to, I realized I do not even know this place to begin with; I yearn to get to this place called Gratitude. Oliver is a master at taking one on a journey, with no end in sight, until an abrupt punctuation that brings reason for pause and contemplation. What could exceed the moment when one is embraced by the very essence he/she has opened themselves up to? What do you do when you have experienced a moment that could never be repeated in the same manner? How does one’s lifestyle change when an attitude of gratitude is attached to their abode? The Bible often uses the metaphor of the house or temple for the physical body. Knowing that, I will ask the last question in a different way- How does one’s lifestyle change when you embody gratitude? For Oliver, gratitude is being open to the basic moments of the day.
I recently watched Dr. Brené Brown on Oprah’s Supersoul Sunday and they were discussing her research on living a wholehearted life. She stated that the cultivation of gratitude and joy is the way home. So the place we need to get to is a place of gratitude in order to experience true joy. Dr. Brown states that the most terrifying human emotion is joy because “when we lose our tolerance for vulnerability joy becomes foreboding.” Therefore, like Oliver we are to sit in every moment in the practice of gratitude. I often wonder if that is what God did. During the moments or days of creation, did God sit back and contemplate after each phase of creation to say “it’s good” as a practice of gratitude for another day to create, another day to provide, another day to breathe life into something, another day to watch the impact of God’s own hands, simply appreciating another day. I have found that fear causes one to swallow the “its good” moments in life. I have found that holding on to the failures and dead moments of life will only cause me to ignore the successes and life-giving moments that embrace me daily.
Prayer: Painter God, we are grateful for this masterpiece called Day, we thank you for this moment called Time, we thank you for this place called Gratitude. God, the one who breathes life into vulnerable existences, we open ourselves to your spirit of gratitude and we loosen our grip on fear. Blind us with “it is good” moments so we cannot ignore what you are doing in our lives and the life of creation around us.
is where
in the pinewoods
in the moments between
the darkness
and first light
two deer
came walking down the hill
and when they saw me
they said to each other, okay,
this one is okay,
let's see who she is
and why she is sitting
on the ground like that,
so quiet, as if
asleep, or in a dream,
but, anyway, harmless;
and so they came
on their slender legs
and gazed upon me
not unlike the way
I go out to the dunes and look
and look and look
into the faces of the flowers;
and then one of them leaned forward
and nuzzled my hand, and what can my life
bring to me that could exceed
that brief moment?
For twenty years
I have gone every day to the same woods,
not waiting, exactly, just lingering.
Such gifts, bestowed,
can't be repeated.
If you want to talk about this
come to visit. I live in the house
near the corner, which I have named
Gratitude.
Reflection: Gen 1:31 God looked over everything he had made; it was so good, so very good!
May 12, 2014 is a big day because I will be graduating from seminary. Tuition is paid; I received my cap and gown, now all I have to do is complete my final exams. A friend recently inquired if I tried on my cap and gown. With a scowled face I replied, I cannot try on my graduation garments until I pass my final exams. She did not understand; she was confused as to why the excitement of this upcoming moment in my life did not overcome my overwhelming fear of finishing exams. Knowing my work ethic since grade-school, she replied, “You know you’ll get everything done, you always do.” Although I agreed with her in my mind, I retorted- “you do not know that, just hope I complete everything in time.” Why was that my attitude? For the same reasons I do not like people to say “your brother will make a full-recovery” or “you’ll do great” or “you’ll get that opportunity.” There are no guarantees in life! I am more concerned that positive words would jinx my life rather than add value to my life so I aim to stay in a balanced place between slightly negative and slightly positive, which I would describe as being hopeful. Growing up in a household where the worst case scenarios were presented to control one’s behavior, I did not learn an alternative way of thinking; thus instead of living out of a place of hope, I lived out of a place of fear. Therefore, I trained my mind not to become too excited about most things because good things never last too long or progress may never actualize in the way in which you had hoped because at times it feels as if failure and death are more real and more frequent than success and life.
But as I read Mary Oliver’s poem The Place I want to get back to, I realized I do not even know this place to begin with; I yearn to get to this place called Gratitude. Oliver is a master at taking one on a journey, with no end in sight, until an abrupt punctuation that brings reason for pause and contemplation. What could exceed the moment when one is embraced by the very essence he/she has opened themselves up to? What do you do when you have experienced a moment that could never be repeated in the same manner? How does one’s lifestyle change when an attitude of gratitude is attached to their abode? The Bible often uses the metaphor of the house or temple for the physical body. Knowing that, I will ask the last question in a different way- How does one’s lifestyle change when you embody gratitude? For Oliver, gratitude is being open to the basic moments of the day.
I recently watched Dr. Brené Brown on Oprah’s Supersoul Sunday and they were discussing her research on living a wholehearted life. She stated that the cultivation of gratitude and joy is the way home. So the place we need to get to is a place of gratitude in order to experience true joy. Dr. Brown states that the most terrifying human emotion is joy because “when we lose our tolerance for vulnerability joy becomes foreboding.” Therefore, like Oliver we are to sit in every moment in the practice of gratitude. I often wonder if that is what God did. During the moments or days of creation, did God sit back and contemplate after each phase of creation to say “it’s good” as a practice of gratitude for another day to create, another day to provide, another day to breathe life into something, another day to watch the impact of God’s own hands, simply appreciating another day. I have found that fear causes one to swallow the “its good” moments in life. I have found that holding on to the failures and dead moments of life will only cause me to ignore the successes and life-giving moments that embrace me daily.
Prayer: Painter God, we are grateful for this masterpiece called Day, we thank you for this moment called Time, we thank you for this place called Gratitude. God, the one who breathes life into vulnerable existences, we open ourselves to your spirit of gratitude and we loosen our grip on fear. Blind us with “it is good” moments so we cannot ignore what you are doing in our lives and the life of creation around us.
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